It's close to Halloween, so I thought the title for this blog entry would be a little on the clever side. It is, however, true. I think most adults can remember when someone said something important about them 10 or more years ago. "James, you're such a hard worker; you always give 100%." "James, your insights on this assignment were amazing." "James, you're one of the better Career Planners in the Marine Corps." Personally, I like to remember the positive stuff, but I do remember a lot of negative stuff, too. "Are you retarded? You put the CD on the dresser to get scratched!" "You're ugly, your nose is too big for your face." "You're no good at math. How are you going to make it in this world without knowing Alegbra?" "You're creepy and weird."
Some people spend much of their lives dwelling on mean things people have said to them in the past. Some of these are lies people have told them that they believe. Imagine, wasting your life dwelling on a lie some mean person said to you years ago. Why don't we work on dispelling some of the bad things other people have said to me, shall we?
1. Are you retarded? You put the CD down the wrong way on the dresser to get scratched!
Positive Self-talk: No, I am not intellectually impaired. I still use a Walkman and I am fairly unfamiliar with Compact Discs, as they are just now becoming mainstream. Instead of berating me, maybe you could teach me a little bit more about CDs? I also took an IQ test and scored in the "Superior Intelligence" range, therefore proving my intellect is functioning quite well.
2. You're ugly, your nose is too big for your face."
Positive Self-talk: Being a teenager is an awkward time for almost everybody. Maybe my nose is a bit big for my face? So what? I may grow into it, I may not. I also won't be wearing these braces forever; when I get them off, I will have straight teeth. Why not point out the positive things you see in me instead of the negative?
3. You're no good at math. How are you going to make it in this world without knowing Alegbra?
Positive Self-talk: Later, I will find out that I need glasses, which is why I get a massive headache in Algebra class when I try and squint to see the overhead projector. You may also be a bad teacher, why don't you try to improve your teaching skills? Next semester, I will drop your class and get specialized tutoring and actually learn how to do Alegbra. Years later, I will get a B in Introduction to Probability and Statistics in college, which is a much more difficult math class than yours.
4. You're creepy and weird
Positive Self-talk: I would rather be weird than common. I am my own person, I feel no need to imitate the characters on television or put on a facade to please others. I like to be myself, because I am the only me there will ever be! If you think I am creepy and weird, you don't need to be in my life; I have people who think highly of me and whom I would rather spend time with than you.
The wonderful thing about positive self-talk is that it can be an ongoing conversation you can have with yourself for years into the future to counteract the bad things other people have said to you. You do not have to say something witty and retaliatory on the spot, but it would help to say something like "Why don't you rephrase what you just said to me in a kinder way?" Or "I don't think what you said to me was necessary. Where is this coming from?" In addition to this, you may not have all the answers right away. Later on down the road, you may discover you have gifting in an area where another person may have criticized you in years ago. If someone criticizes your performance, you can say something like "I'm not a professional basketball player, I'm just out here getting exercise and having fun. Why don't you do the same?"
Some people have a zero-defect mentality when it comes to judging themselves. They may feel they may never be pretty enough or cool enough or as good-looking as they would like to be. I would like to tell these people that beauty and coolness are both subjective. Life is not perfect, and neither are you. Find the pleasure and the wonder in life and stop looking for the bad. Thank God that you are uniquely and wonderfully made in His image.
I would like to leave the reader with three questions to consider:
1. Will people be haunted by the good words you speak to them or the bad?
2. What bad things have you said to others that may haunt them?
3. What positive self-talk can you practice to counter negative things people have said to you?
Thanks for reading. Have a wonderful day!
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