Sticks and Stones May Break My Bones, but Words WIll Always Haunt Me

 

It's close to Halloween, so I thought the title for this blog entry would be a little on the clever side. It is, however, true. I think most adults can remember when someone said something important about them 10 or more years ago. "James, you're such a hard worker; you always give 100%." "James, your insights on this assignment were amazing." "James, you're one of the better Career Planners in the Marine Corps." Personally, I like to remember the positive stuff, but I do remember a lot of negative stuff, too. "Are you retarded? You put the CD on the dresser to get scratched!" "You're ugly, your nose is too big for your face." "You're no good at math. How are you going to make it in this world without knowing Alegbra?" "You're creepy and weird."
Some people spend much of their lives dwelling on mean things people have said to them in the past. Some of these are lies people have told them that they believe. Imagine, wasting your life dwelling on a lie some mean person said to you years ago. Why don't we work on dispelling some of the bad things other people have said to me, shall we?
1. Are you retarded? You put the CD down the wrong way on the dresser to get scratched!
Positive Self-talk: No, I am not intellectually impaired. I still use a Walkman and I am fairly unfamiliar with Compact Discs, as they are just now becoming mainstream. Instead of berating me, maybe you could teach me a little bit more about CDs? I also took an IQ test and scored in the "Superior Intelligence" range, therefore proving my intellect is functioning quite well.
2. You're ugly, your nose is too big for your face."
Positive Self-talk: Being a teenager is an awkward time for almost everybody. Maybe my nose is a bit big for my face? So what? I may grow into it, I may not. I also won't be wearing these braces forever; when I get them off, I will have straight teeth. Why not point out the positive things you see in me instead of the negative?
3. You're no good at math. How are you going to make it in this world without knowing Alegbra?
Positive Self-talk: Later, I will find out that I need glasses, which is why I get a massive headache in Algebra class when I try and squint to see the overhead projector. You may also be a bad teacher, why don't you try to improve your teaching skills? Next semester, I will drop your class and get specialized tutoring and actually learn how to do Alegbra. Years later, I will get a B in Introduction to Probability and Statistics in college, which is a much more difficult math class than yours.
4. You're creepy and weird
Positive Self-talk: I would rather be weird than common. I am my own person, I feel no need to imitate the characters on television or put on a facade to please others. I like to be myself, because I am the only me there will ever be! If you think I am creepy and weird, you don't need to be in my life; I have people who think highly of me and whom I would rather spend time with than you.

The wonderful thing about positive self-talk is that it can be an ongoing conversation you can have with yourself for years into the future to counteract the bad things other people have said to you. You do not have to say something witty and retaliatory on the spot, but it would help to say something like "Why don't you rephrase what you just said to me in a kinder way?" Or "I don't think what you said to me was necessary. Where is this coming from?" In addition to this, you may not have all the answers right away. Later on down the road, you may discover you have gifting in an area where another person may have criticized you in years ago. If someone criticizes your performance, you can say something like "I'm not a professional basketball player, I'm just out here getting exercise and having fun. Why don't you do the same?"

Some people have a zero-defect mentality when it comes to judging themselves. They may feel they may never be pretty enough or cool enough or as good-looking as they would like to be. I would like to tell these people that beauty and coolness are both subjective. Life is not perfect, and neither are you. Find the pleasure and the wonder in life and stop looking for the bad. Thank God that you are uniquely and wonderfully made in His image.

I would like to leave the reader with three questions to consider:

1. Will people be haunted by the good words you speak to them or the bad?
2. What bad things have you said to others that may haunt them?
3. What positive self-talk can you practice to counter negative things people have said to you?

Thanks for reading. Have a wonderful day!

Changing and Modifying Goals

In times past, I used to get very upset with myself if I had to ever modify the completion date of a goal. I completed Marine Corps Recruit Training, almost the entire time having strep throat and pneumonia. The medical personnel would not let me in the pool for swim qualification the first day, so I had to sneak my way past them in order to qualify as a competent swimmer; this being required for me to graduate BT Camp on time. Throughout the rest of my 8.5 year career in the Marine Corps, I would kill myself to make goals happen [not kill myself literally, just work through or force the round peg into the square hole]. In part because of this, I had to leave the Marines earlier than I wanted to because the stress and health problems caught up with me.

Now that I am older, I choose to work smarter, not harder and part of that is because I am now more open to changing and/or modifying my goals. Having the ability to change your goals may depend greatly on if you complete that goal, or not. Do you remember the SMART goals? Just for a refresher, SMART goals are:

S = Specific
M = Measurable
A = Attainable
R = Relevant
T = Time-bound

What if you're working towards a goal and you realize it is unattainable? Of course you will have to modify that goal to make it attainable [such as you run into a law stating it is not legal to proceed as you had planned with a business, etc].

A goal can also cease to be relevant because you change your mind about your career, such as you had planned on getting your paralegal certification, but instead you change your mind and want to become a chef.  Those listed above are only a couple of examples, but you see my point.

What is a goal you are struggling with right now that might need to be modified? If you cannot afford a life coach, grab a coffee with a friend who cares about your goals and talk it out. The more you talk about your goals or write details about it in planning, the more likely you are to completing it.

Recently, I've had to roll back the time frame in which I will complete my Master's degree in Business Administration because the full time course load was getting to be too much for me. It will get done, but it will take about six months longer than I had expected it to, unfortunately. Ultimately, this will help the quality of my work and I will get more out of the education I am receiving, but it was still a little bit of a let-down.

If you struggle for too long trying to accomplish a goal; do yourself a favor and modify it. Not doing so will add undue stress to your life, but a modified goal is like getting your second wind in a race; you start doubting if you can maintain your pace until the end, but then you get that extra boost of a second wind and you power through even faster. If you are currently struggling with a goal, please do yourself a favor and give yourself that second wind.

I Pulled an MBA All-Nighter!

10/17/13

I am done with my stupid mini-flu. Boy, that really took a lot out of me; made me weak as a kitten and brought me low. I went from Powerful McPowerfulson to zero energy, zero stamina. When you or I or anyone is sick, it's easy to get down mentally as well as physically and I have to be honest in saying that I did get down psychologically. I did realize, however, it would pass and when I recovered, I would have to rebuild to the level of power and stamina that I held for most of the summer.

During my business financial management class from mid-October to mid-November, I routinely pulled all-nighters on assignments because late at night and in the wee hours of the morning was the only time I could get into deep, focus, concentration mode which I would need to figure out complex financial formulas and have an understanding of how aspects of finance functioned.

All-nighters are not fun, but sometimes they are necessary to get the job done. I am highly motivated in regards to getting my Master's degree in Business Administration (MBA) because it is going to be a big step in my career and my ticket to an even better life. What if I mess up in a class and fail or get a crumby grade? I can always retake a class if I need to. It IS a setback, but not the end of the world. Life isn't perfect and most people don't always get the grades they want. So many people seem to have an all or nothing mentality; but much of life doesn't work like that. Sometimes you have to keep chipping at a project with, at times, imperfect progress.

Please, readers: do not give up when you encounter great adversity, but on the other side of that coin, do not persist when your efforts are evidently futile. You may need to find a different way in doing something. If you know that you are intended to do a certain thing, yet you are sailing towards a storm on your way to do it; then sail right through the storm and accomplish that thing you are bound, set and intended to do. Be indomitable. When you are hit hard by the storms and trials of life and don't take the easy way out, you will come out the better for it. Your character will be built stronger for it.

And when you find that sweet, sweet solace when all is at peace, there is nothing important to do and you can relax; take the opportunity to rest on your laurels just briefly before going on to slay the next giant. If you stay lying on one spot for too long, you create an indentation or rut, rather and it make get you stuck in life. That is why I tell you to not rest on your laurels for too long. Keep learning, keep being driven, find new territory to conquer, but stop once in a while to rest.

Thank you all for reading my blog article today and I pray it inspires or helps you somehow. I hope you find peace and wisdom this Christmas season; remember, God owns peace and wisdom and He will give freely to those who truly seek him.

Any Questions?

The Chill Has Landed, A Change of Season is Imminent

This morning when I was getting ready for work, I noticed it was significantly chillier than it had been recently. Autumn is just a few days away, but this morning it felt as if it were already here. A slight wave of sadness overcame me for just an instant as I realized the summer had all but ended, because I love Oregon summers. I frequently have to remind myself to enjoy every season as it comes. During autumn, there is almost a magical feeling to the misty mornings. I absolutely LOVE it when fog rolls along the hills of an Oregon autumnal morning. I get out in the morning, breathing the chilled air deeply and giving thanks for the beautiful day before starting my routine.

Autumn is the season of pumpkins, the first frost, harvest, Halloween, Thanksgiving, soccer and school starting. I shouldn't be sad that summer is ending, but thankful that seasons change and I can enjoy each season during its time. What season do you like best? Are you thankful for each season as it comes?



Just like the calendar or temperate seasons there are seasons in life. You may have romantic feelings for a person for but a season. You may have a good friend that you meet with often for a season of life, and then one of you moves away or you just grow apart. Grade school, middle school and high school are all seasons of life; to be enjoyed during their times and reminisced upon after those seasons come to a close. Parenthood is also a season of life. Sometimes, we parents wish our kids would just hurry and grow past their difficult stages. All too soon, it seems, they grow up before our very eyes. A quote often attributed to Dr. Seuss puts it succinctly: "Don't cry because it's over, smile because it happened."

Young love alights with swift wings and soars far into the sky, but often ends quickly with the season

My problem has usually been my rush to get through each season to the next bigger and better thing. As I have become older (and hopefully wiser) I realize time seems to go by more quickly the older I get and how important it is to savor each season. Savor it like you would a culinary masterpiece or the smell of a wonderfully fragrant flower. There are sorrows and joys that come with every season. Some people are held back from moving to better things because they don't want a season they love to come to an end. Do you know anyone like this? Maybe you are a person that does this.

Many people, when they remember the past, seem to idealize it. They often forget the difficulties during that time and long to go back. The present usually seems the most difficult because it is happening here and now. Rejoice in the difficulty and triumph in spite of it. Soon you will come to idealize this season of life. Even the most difficult of seasons will have its sweetest moments.

Sweet moments are like chocolates. It's a little sweet to brighten your day

I strongly encourage you to enjoy each season as it comes. If you have an ailing parent or grandparent, treat every moment with them as a priceless treasure. If your children are acting like wild animals, smile and remind yourself that these sweet young ones will soon be grown and you will miss their outrageous antics. Love people fiercely, because you will not have them forever. People you care about pass in and out of your life as like the passing seasons.

Enjoy life as it comes at you. Don't hang onto a season too long and don't wish the season to fast forward. Don't wait to be your best or save what you need to get done for another season. Be your best today! Your time on earth is limited, so relish every season. Thank you for reading. See you next time.

Let's Go Ahead and Redistribute the Wealth...

Or how about not. It may seem like an equitable and fair thing to do; redistributing all the wealth, but if you really give the subject an honest look, you would probably [if you bear any intelligence] conclude it is a silly idea.

Have you ever met someone that came into a great deal of money and just blew it right away on a car, cocaine, a crazy vacation in Vegas, doting on a love interest or any other number of ways to waste their fortuitous windfall? A couple of years or even a couple of months later you run into the same person and either the car is crashed, they ended up in jail and lost the rest of the money, they're broke, they owe the IRS, their love interest left when the money ran out, on and on and on it goes. In essence, and what I'm getting at, is that person did not have sufficient character to use that money to improve their lives and make wise choices with the abundance of resources that suddenly fell into their lap. Have you ever heard the old idiom "A fool and his money are soon parted?" Does my scenario remind you of this saying? All the time we see on television people who had won the lottery and it literally ruined their lives. They had no idea how to handle that much money and lacked either the character or the judgment on how to use their new-found wealth. As you can see, throwing rich people's money at everyone else will not solve the problem of poverty or anything else, for that manner.

What about all these young movie stars that suddenly become multimillionaires and A-List socialites seemingly overnight? Many of them lack the development in character, maturity and wisdom to handle the incredible wealth and accolades that come hurdling at them at breakneck speed. We see them get into drugs, taking their clothes off for the public to see, getting in trouble with the law, saying stupid things on television and a whole bunch of other bizarre and/or unwise things. Most end up piddling away their fortunes and wasting their lives.




I believe fortunes are best won through hard work, ingenuity, creativity and through developing one's ideas through learning. Even quickly-made fortunes can be a good thing if the recipient has the character to handle it. A wise pastor once said in a sermon that the possession of money magnifies a person's character and lifestyle. I have found this to be true.

The Bible tells us in Proverbs 21:20 "There is desirable treasure, And oil in the dwelling of the wise, But a foolish man squanders it." -New King James Version of the Bible, 1982, Thomas Nelson, Inc.
It's an exceeding blunder to let an unwise person have control over resources because they will waste them. It is better instead, to help that person gain knowledge and understanding and to assist them in building character. Go to the source of the problem, which is a lack of character and wisdom, instead of throwing money at a person who will only waste it.

I know of an educated prediction which I have been exposed to in many places, most recently in church, which states that if the wealth were to be redistributed right now, in a surprisingly short amount of time it would largely end up back in the hands of the wealthy. This seems to reinforce what I am saying in this blog article; that redistribution of wealth is a silly idea and would result in more people being hurt than helped.

Why hate the rich? Jealousy is not a desirable attribute, but we now disguise it by calling it income equality blah blah blah. If you want to be wealthy and successful, pay your dues: come up with an idea no one has yet introduced, get educated, pay attention in school, don't break the law, work hard and don't have kids before you're married. In many cases, the problem is not a lack of wealth, it's a lack of character that is the problem; the character that drives people to make their own income and pave their own way to success. It is this type of character that often gives a person the ability and judgment to use their money wisely, to save for the future and help others with their resources, also. We don't need wealth redistribution, we need character and wisdom attribution. According to what I learned in my graduate economics class, wealth is created whenever one resource is converted to a high-level use. So in taking the money from those better prepared to handle it and giving it to people who are ill-prepared to handle it, we are actually destroying wealth. What are your thoughts on wealth redistribution?

Attempting to Talk About Marriage and Love

Megan and me on our wedding day

Single, never married people usually tend to not realize what marriage entails. Before I was married, I only knew shallow love: the kind you develop when you are at first strongly attracted to a person because of their physical appeal and desirable traits and attributes. I'm not saying this kind of love is bad; it's just love that's less-than-knee-deep. In order to discover deeper love, you must grow and stretch WITH your spouse. You are only swimming in the deep waters of love when each of you REALLY knows the other and love each other, warts and all. You love them regardless of their shortcomings and deficiencies. You share in their sadness and rejoice in their victories. Like the Bible says, marriage is when a man and woman join each other and the two become one. Do you know how hard it is to entwine two lives like this? Marriage is hard work! Don't let anyone fool you about that. But only in a marriage can you discover the best love worth having with another human. I am not trying to denigrate the love between parents and children or between siblings, et cetera. That is important, too. However, God tells us in the Bible that the love in marriage is a model of how Jesus Christ loves the collective church (those who believe in Him).

An engagement picture

I think one reason why it seems marriage is more difficult and commonly terminated in modern western society is because of the way our society wants to confuse gender, gender characteristics and spousal roles. Men and women are different, with distinct characteristics that make us who we are. Why try to blur the lines and make it harder? We humans like to complicate simple things and make them complex. Why? At this point, I've probably lost a few friends and/or blog readers, but I cannot be fake. I must present the truth and my true thoughts on this subject. I hope I do get some credit for that.

Divorces are comparatively easier to get in modern times, and there is the illusion that life is relatively easy after a divorce. Divorce, in almost every instance, will cost copious amounts of money and emotional trauma. If you have been through a divorce, you will likely know what I am talking about better than I do.

Marriage is not all butterflies and rainbows all the time. It is not a casual friendship or romantic fling. A marriage is more like a hard-won alliance. Spouses see each other at their worst and inevitably hurt each other with their words and actions. Responding in love is hard in the face of difficulty, but we must. I have to be honest in saying that marriage is the hardest thing I've had to go through: harder than Marine Corps Recruit Training or getting deployed to Iraq four times. It requires continual, lifelong work. Both husband and wife must love each other unconditionally and make daily love deposits into their marriage.

Another Engagement Picture

These days, it is quite an accomplishment to be married "til' death do us part." Most people throw in the towel and say "I can't do this any more!" They think that someone new can fulfill all their wants and needs and so jump into another marriage with someone different, only to realize that their new spouse has many of the same issues as their former. Of course the grass is always greener on the other side (not really). If you depend on someone else to meet all your wants and needs and be your all in all, you're not living in reality. You will be disappointed every time in that person. The only One who can be your all in all is God Almighty. Don't try to suck the life out of your spouse. Give more to your relationship than you expect to get back.

It's much easier for me to write about marriage in a blog than it is to be married. None of us are experts on marriage, but some of us are wiser than others. I wouldn't ask a divorced person for marital advice, though, because I'm still married! I admit freely that I am not the perfect husband; I have bad habits and say mean things sometimes. Often, I am selfish and unkind. If you're honest, you would say the same thing about yourself, too. Even though I am flawed, my wife still loves me...and I love her. I KNOW her, and she knows me.

Our wedding ceremony

I want to leave you to think about the words of 1 Corinthians Chapter 13, also known as "The Love Chapter":

Love is patient, love is kind. It does not envy, it does not boast, it is not proud. It does not dishonor others, it is not self-seeking, it is not easily angered, it keeps no record of wrongs. Love does not delight in evil but rejoices with the truth. It always protects, always trusts, always hopes and always perseveres. Love never fails. But where there are prophecies, they will cease; where there are tongues, they will be stilled; where there is knowledge, it will pass away. For we know in part and prophesy in part, but when completeness comes, what is in part disappears. When I was a child, I talked like a child, I thought like a child, I reasoned like a child. When I became a man, I put the ways of childhood behind me. For now we see only a reflection as in a mirror; then we shall face to face. Now I know in part; then I shall know fully, as I am fully known. And now, these three remain: faith, hope and love. But the greatest of these is love.

New International Version of the Bible. 1973. Biblica, Grand Rapids, MI.

I Turned Thirty Today

Today I turn thirty. Somehow, I picture the 30 year mark as when people stop thinking you're a punk kid and start seeing you as a serious adult. This has been quite an eventful year:

1. I started on my Masters degree in Business Administration

2. I started a life coaching blog

3. My third son was born

4. I was given a prestigious award at work

5. I started Isagenix and took back control of my health
 
There are so many things I still want to do, but I am beginning to realize I may not have time for them all. Our lives on this earth are finite. There are only so many hours in a day, and if you're like me, you have a fraction of a day to yourselves. Here is a checklist of things I created when I was an adolescent that I wanted to get done by the time I turned thirty:

1. Get married to a hottie: Check

2. Have kids: check

3. Have served in the military: check

4. Have earned my baccalaureate: check

5. Have earned my first million dollars: requirement not met

6. Be a star soccer player and help win a World Cup for the USA: requirement not met

7. Live in a castle: requirement not met

8. Grow to be Six feet five inches tall: requirement not met


9. Own a Ford Mustang: Check

10. Write a bestselling novel: requirement not met

Okay, so there's a few things I didn't get done, and the ship has sailed for a few of them, but I am amazed at the things I did get done and I can look back over my first thirty years with some degree of satisfaction. Yes, I am striving to be better, faster, stronger and stronger, but I can say I haven't wasted my thirty years on this earth doing nothing.

On weird thing I noticed doing today was wanting to write 9/10/1983 when I am supposed to write today's date: 9/10/2013 on documents. Anybody else have this problem?

What were your goals to accomplish by age thirty?

Vacation is Over, back in the Saddle

For a while, it seemed like I no longer had a day job and was on perpetual vacation. Now, however, it is time to get back to work---back in the saddle. I must say, I was chomping at the bit to get to work on my blog. Get it? LOL, never mind. I enjoy blogging and if I only had that to do for my career, it would seem like I never worked a day in my life. The hardest part of blogging is not the writing, but the other stuff---search engine optimization, finding the right advertising for the blog to make money from it, promoting the blog and other things not directly related to writing or my area of expertise.

This last vacation wasn't really a vacation in the way you would think; it was more like paternity leave. My wife gave birth to our third son late last month and between last week and the week before, I took the remainder of my vacation days for the year 2013. It was nice to have so many days off because it makes me more motivated and refreshed when I go back to work.

During my vacation, my family and I went to OMSI in Portland which turned into a fiasco because our Chevrolet Suburban's alternator drained the battery and we eventually had to use our State Farm insurance roadside assistance to get it towed to the Battery X-Change on MLK in northeast Portland. Even though the technicians there gave us good service and a good price, I still ended up having to carry three car seats nearly four miles back to OMSI.  I don't know exactly how much the children's seats weighed, but by the time I got back to OMSI, I was tired and sore. I tried to stop to take public transportation, but my wife urged me not to do so because she thought it would take even longer to get back using those means. It was hard to summon the motivation to lug those three heavy car seats around for about four miles, but I did it because I had to and because I could. Even though it was a rough day overall, it was still a fun one.

My wife and I decided that I would limit how much I discussed about our exact location and family details, but I am dying to tell you about my three amazing sons. I will, however, tell you their nicknames that I assigned each of them soon after they were born:

1. Champion- Someone of great strength and skill whom others depend on to prevail.

2. Star- Someone who far outshines their peers

 3. Lightbringer- Someone who brings God's light and love wherever they go and shares it with others.

While I was on vacation, I practiced my push-ups a whole bunch and have improved steadily For those of you who haven't read Seasons Musings from August 2013, I made a goal of being able to execute 1,000 consecutive push-ups by August 7th, 2013. I am well on my way of being able to accomplish that feat and continue to get stronger on a daily basis.

It's good to be back writing my blog again and I hope I am able to pump out some quality blog articles this week. I am continually striving to bring my readers quality ideas and material. See you next time!

Accomplish More With To Do Lists

A comical look at what a bully's checklist might look like

I have found I accomplish more when I have a to do list. I think it turns chores or tasks into a challenge for me. The list is like "You can't get all this stuff done" and I say back "Wanna bet?" I also tend to be a little absent-minded, so a to do list keeps me on track to accomplish what I set out to do. My wife knows that if she wants me to do a bunch of stuff, she'll have to make a to do list for the maximum probability of success. I enjoy getting a task done and putting a big 'ole check in the box. It makes me feel like I accomplished something; especially when all the boxes are checked.

With a to do list, you will be more likely to get things done that you need to accomplish during your day. It sets you in a position to be proactive rather than reactive. Instead of handling tasks as they come up, you can have a plan of prioritized tasks to get done so at the end of the day, you feel like you've actually achieved something instead of rushing around putting out fires.

I actually prefer a to do list over a schedule, because I make the lists in such a way that they're time-bound only through the end of the day. A schedule is more restrictive, although it has the potential to save more time. To do lists are fairly flexible.

You can make to do lists to accomplish just about anything. It's fun if you save to do lists for a few years and look back at what you've accomplished. This especially rings true for exercise to do lists; you can look back to see how far you've come, or, in the case of regression, see what you used to be able to do and resolve to get there again.

Make the to do list before you start exercising so you don't smear the ink as much with your sweat.

To do lists are good for work, home or even while on vacation. You can make a list of tasks you need to complete at work for the day to stay ahead in your career. To do lists help people to get chores around the house done that would otherwise sit around for months on end. Many times my wife creates my home to do list which then turns into a 'honey do list' (not to be confused with the melons). You can make sure you see all the sites and attractions you intend to while on vacation as well as make sure you do all your favorite activities during your extended time off.

How much more can you get done with a to do list? When have you used a to do list that worked exceptionally well?  Please leave your comments in the section below. Have a productive day!