Sticks and Stones May Break My Bones, but Words WIll Always Haunt Me

 

It's close to Halloween, so I thought the title for this blog entry would be a little on the clever side. It is, however, true. I think most adults can remember when someone said something important about them 10 or more years ago. "James, you're such a hard worker; you always give 100%." "James, your insights on this assignment were amazing." "James, you're one of the better Career Planners in the Marine Corps." Personally, I like to remember the positive stuff, but I do remember a lot of negative stuff, too. "Are you retarded? You put the CD on the dresser to get scratched!" "You're ugly, your nose is too big for your face." "You're no good at math. How are you going to make it in this world without knowing Alegbra?" "You're creepy and weird."
Some people spend much of their lives dwelling on mean things people have said to them in the past. Some of these are lies people have told them that they believe. Imagine, wasting your life dwelling on a lie some mean person said to you years ago. Why don't we work on dispelling some of the bad things other people have said to me, shall we?
1. Are you retarded? You put the CD down the wrong way on the dresser to get scratched!
Positive Self-talk: No, I am not intellectually impaired. I still use a Walkman and I am fairly unfamiliar with Compact Discs, as they are just now becoming mainstream. Instead of berating me, maybe you could teach me a little bit more about CDs? I also took an IQ test and scored in the "Superior Intelligence" range, therefore proving my intellect is functioning quite well.
2. You're ugly, your nose is too big for your face."
Positive Self-talk: Being a teenager is an awkward time for almost everybody. Maybe my nose is a bit big for my face? So what? I may grow into it, I may not. I also won't be wearing these braces forever; when I get them off, I will have straight teeth. Why not point out the positive things you see in me instead of the negative?
3. You're no good at math. How are you going to make it in this world without knowing Alegbra?
Positive Self-talk: Later, I will find out that I need glasses, which is why I get a massive headache in Algebra class when I try and squint to see the overhead projector. You may also be a bad teacher, why don't you try to improve your teaching skills? Next semester, I will drop your class and get specialized tutoring and actually learn how to do Alegbra. Years later, I will get a B in Introduction to Probability and Statistics in college, which is a much more difficult math class than yours.
4. You're creepy and weird
Positive Self-talk: I would rather be weird than common. I am my own person, I feel no need to imitate the characters on television or put on a facade to please others. I like to be myself, because I am the only me there will ever be! If you think I am creepy and weird, you don't need to be in my life; I have people who think highly of me and whom I would rather spend time with than you.

The wonderful thing about positive self-talk is that it can be an ongoing conversation you can have with yourself for years into the future to counteract the bad things other people have said to you. You do not have to say something witty and retaliatory on the spot, but it would help to say something like "Why don't you rephrase what you just said to me in a kinder way?" Or "I don't think what you said to me was necessary. Where is this coming from?" In addition to this, you may not have all the answers right away. Later on down the road, you may discover you have gifting in an area where another person may have criticized you in years ago. If someone criticizes your performance, you can say something like "I'm not a professional basketball player, I'm just out here getting exercise and having fun. Why don't you do the same?"

Some people have a zero-defect mentality when it comes to judging themselves. They may feel they may never be pretty enough or cool enough or as good-looking as they would like to be. I would like to tell these people that beauty and coolness are both subjective. Life is not perfect, and neither are you. Find the pleasure and the wonder in life and stop looking for the bad. Thank God that you are uniquely and wonderfully made in His image.

I would like to leave the reader with three questions to consider:

1. Will people be haunted by the good words you speak to them or the bad?
2. What bad things have you said to others that may haunt them?
3. What positive self-talk can you practice to counter negative things people have said to you?

Thanks for reading. Have a wonderful day!

I Pulled an MBA All-Nighter!

10/17/13

I am done with my stupid mini-flu. Boy, that really took a lot out of me; made me weak as a kitten and brought me low. I went from Powerful McPowerfulson to zero energy, zero stamina. When you or I or anyone is sick, it's easy to get down mentally as well as physically and I have to be honest in saying that I did get down psychologically. I did realize, however, it would pass and when I recovered, I would have to rebuild to the level of power and stamina that I held for most of the summer.

During my business financial management class from mid-October to mid-November, I routinely pulled all-nighters on assignments because late at night and in the wee hours of the morning was the only time I could get into deep, focus, concentration mode which I would need to figure out complex financial formulas and have an understanding of how aspects of finance functioned.

All-nighters are not fun, but sometimes they are necessary to get the job done. I am highly motivated in regards to getting my Master's degree in Business Administration (MBA) because it is going to be a big step in my career and my ticket to an even better life. What if I mess up in a class and fail or get a crumby grade? I can always retake a class if I need to. It IS a setback, but not the end of the world. Life isn't perfect and most people don't always get the grades they want. So many people seem to have an all or nothing mentality; but much of life doesn't work like that. Sometimes you have to keep chipping at a project with, at times, imperfect progress.

Please, readers: do not give up when you encounter great adversity, but on the other side of that coin, do not persist when your efforts are evidently futile. You may need to find a different way in doing something. If you know that you are intended to do a certain thing, yet you are sailing towards a storm on your way to do it; then sail right through the storm and accomplish that thing you are bound, set and intended to do. Be indomitable. When you are hit hard by the storms and trials of life and don't take the easy way out, you will come out the better for it. Your character will be built stronger for it.

And when you find that sweet, sweet solace when all is at peace, there is nothing important to do and you can relax; take the opportunity to rest on your laurels just briefly before going on to slay the next giant. If you stay lying on one spot for too long, you create an indentation or rut, rather and it make get you stuck in life. That is why I tell you to not rest on your laurels for too long. Keep learning, keep being driven, find new territory to conquer, but stop once in a while to rest.

Thank you all for reading my blog article today and I pray it inspires or helps you somehow. I hope you find peace and wisdom this Christmas season; remember, God owns peace and wisdom and He will give freely to those who truly seek him.

Any Questions?

Labor on Labor Day

Labor Day is funny in the fact that it is usually associated with kids going back to school (going BACK to work) and as the last bank holiday for us working stiffs (said jokingly) during the summer. It's ironic for me in the fact that I was at work today for the early shift. My make-up holiday was yesterday, as I usually work Sundays in this career I am in, but I am now transitioning to a Monday through Friday schedule.

I work in an office, which is what I am good at, so I like to get out and work outside every once in awhile. I get my blood moving and feel accomplished when I mow the lawn and see it looking nice or clear a large path through the thick foliage on my parents' five acres. I don't even mind getting a little cut up from brush and sticker bushes I encounter in doing hard physical labor.

I like to get out and breathe that fresh Oregon air and get some sun if it's available (outside of summer, sun is hard to come by in these parts). Even on cooler, cloudier days it is enjoyable to get out and sweat. I live in a suburban area, so the kind of work I do outside at my house is mowing the lawn, setting the sprinkler, edging the lawn and fixing the gutter. My backyard is somewhat unique in that it is mostly just a big hill, so I have been working on whittling it down to size little by little. It's a lot of work, and so far I have been doing it by hand with shovel and pick axe. Here are some pictures of me working on the hill:

My parents live in a more rural part of the Willamette Valley, Oregon and I get to go over there sometimes and help tame the wildness of their five acres. Since moving back to Oregon after getting out of the Marines, I have helped my Dad clear the land around the perimeter to make way for the fence-line, set fence posts, dig post holes, hack through brush with a machete, take care of the garden, and run the weed whacker over places my parents did not want weeds.

This is me sitting on a New Holland Tractor at the Oregon State Fair a couple of years ago. When I was younger, I used to mow my parents fields with a Ford New Holland tractor and loved it! Working outside has always been a favorite pastime of mine.

For me, the hard physical labor is therapeutic. It's not only good exercise, but leaves me with a sense of accomplishment and helps me sleep better at night. It usually puts me in a good mood, too. I enjoy working with others or just working by myself. In working with others, I get to enjoy camaraderie and the synergy of being on a team, whereas working by myself I get time to think things out with no one around.

I encourage you, whether you have a desk job or not, to get out there and do some hard physical labor. Just working outside doing light chores is also enjoyable. I think you will find it's fun to work outdoors. On this Labor Day, maybe you can do some work on your own property or help a friend or relative work on theirs. In most parts of the world, the nice weather will soon end as summer cools to fall and then onto winter.  Work outside while it is still agreeable to do so.

Me working on a Marine Corps helicopter in Iraq a long time ago

Writing

Writing is a creative outlet which allows the writer to express themselves on paper or screen. It's a chance for a person to get their ideas out there and actually realize how they're connecting to their emotions. Writing can tell a story, record notable events and give instructions.

One of my journal entries from 9th grade

Many people choose to journal; whether they be novelists, mediocre writers or people who just know the basics. Writing in a journal or diary is therapeutic; it relieves stress and allows us to process our lives. I remember a time when I was extremely angry when starting a journal entry and by the time I had finished, I felt like a huge weight had been lifted from me. During the time I spent writing that journal entry, I had worked through my anger and cooled off.

Angry Like This Brown Dog

I encourage my readers to write. You can do it in a journal, write notes in a sketch book, or type on the computer. Writing will enhance your life and is a way you can keep track of plans and remember good times. I treasure all my old journals and find it amusing to go back and read through the old pages, realizing how much I've changed over the years.

A page from my fantasy fiction idea sketchbook

People like lists, so I have compiled yet another list of things that can be accomplished through writing:

1. Keep track of your goals

2. Let off some steam in your journal

3. Sit by a mountain stream and describe the beautiful natural setting on paper

4. Becoming a better writer to make you look good in your career (Practice makes perfect...or at least better)

5. Writing a novel that becomes a bestseller

6. Win the heart of a girl/guy through a handwritten letter.

7. Help you remember important events in your life

8. Help you remember who you are (In case you forget)

9. Make declarations of how you want to improve yourself and tape it to your refrigerator.

10. Making a to do list for increased productivity.

I hope after reading this blog article, that you will be more inclined to express yourselves through writing.

How Much Are You Worth?

The question of this article, "How much are you worth?"has a very subjective answer. Your worth will be different in the minds of different people. If I ask one of your enemies how much you're worth, they might answer 'a nickel' or something like that. If I ask your mom, dad or kid how much you're worth, and they will likely tell me you are priceless or beyond describable value.

Many people, especially men it seems, put a monetary price-tag on their own self-worth. Men are hardwired to be the providers, so they may think of themselves in terms of how much 'bread they win' or how much 'bacon they bring home.' To think of yourself in terms of money, I think, is quite limiting. I challenge you to be more than you do for a living. Your worth is beyond extrinsic value.

How many people can you help with your kindness? How many lives can you improve with your wisdom and guidance? What nice things can you say to brighten another person's day? What can you do for others to improve how much they value themselves? I have found that the more you help others value themselves, the more you value yourself. Help others!

William Penn, the namesake of the U.S. state of Pennsylvania is profoundly quoted as saying something that comes to my mind often: "I expect to pass through this life but once. If therefore there be any kindness I can show, or any good thing I can do to any fellow being, let me do it now and not defer or neglect it, as I shall not pass this way again." Be like William Penn in this regard and show kindness to as many people as you can, because truly you only get one chance at this life.

People also incorrectly measure themselves in beauty/good-looks or physical ability. Physical appearance fades. The same can be said about strength and athletic prowess. The real value is the heart.

Christians believe that God valued mankind so much that He sent His Son Jesus (also God) down in the form of man to be tortured and executed painfully for the sins of every man, woman and child who ever lived. This shows that everyone has value to God, who is the ultimate value-giver.

 My message is that everyone is immensely valuable and I want my readers to not undervalue themselves. If we undervalue ourselves, it tends to bring us down into a state of depression and causes us to miss out on opportunities and other good things. If you're feeling low in value, do something kind for someone else. It will not only make you feel more valuable, it will display your value to that person you helped. I remember seeing another quote on someone's wall that said something like "People will forget what you do and say, but will forget the way you make them feel."
 Try also to see yourself in having the value that God sent his Son to die for. If we see ourselves as valuable we will live a happier and more fulfilling life.

What is your value? Who makes you feel valuable?

Ten Ways to Start the Day for Success

Have you ever got up on the wrong side of bed (figuratively) and had it affect the rest of your day for the worse? Here is a list of ten things you can do to get a great start to your day:

1. Get up Early

Wake up at least an hour and a half before you must leave for work. This will give you time to do what you need to in order to start the day out right. Who wants to wake up half an hour before they have to leave, trying to rush out the door unshowered with a bagel stuffed in their mouth as they run to their car? Sounds like a recipe for stress, doesn't it? I don't know of anyone who needs more stress in their lives.

2. Pound the Agua

The first thing I suggest doing after waking up is to drink 5-7 glasses of water. It may feel a little uncomfortable, but do it anyway. You need to replenish your fluids and start the day out hydrated and refreshed. A nice cup of cold water in the morning will wake you up, too. I would say that most people go around dehydrated all day. Don't be one of those people. Bottoms up!

3. Spend Time With God

This may not be popular with some people, but the truth is not always popular. Take a few moments in your earliest hours reading the Bible and praying. Thank God for the good things in your life and cast your burdens upon Him; trust me, He is able to handle it. Today I read Proverbs chapters five and six. What portions of the Bible did you read? What are some things you are thankful for?

4. Enjoy a Cup of your Favorite Warm Drink

If you have a sensitive stomach, you may want to enjoy your drink with a low fat, low sugar, high fiber and/or high protein snack. Whether it be coffee, tea or milk; your favorite heated beverage will make you feel comfortable and happy. 

5. Do Something You Love Before You Start Your Day

You can read a chapter of the book you're on. You can write a journal entry. You can take a short walk to start your day. Right now, I am typing my blog article, which is something I love to do. My wife and kids are still asleep, so this is 'me' time. I get to collect my thoughts and take some quiet time out for myself before I arrive at work at 8:30 A.M. How often do people say "I never have time for myself any more!"? More than necessary. Get that time in early.

6. Sweat before 8:00 AM (From Exertion, not Heat)

If you're feeling hungry at this point, grab a small bowl of oatmeal before exercising. Do some lunges, push-ups, crunches or leg extensions. You can even take a brisk walk around your block or down the road and back. Set your body up to burn calories all day and be warmed up to tackle anything and everything you work has to throw at you that day. It's better than being lethargic and oxygen-starved, right?

7. Eat Protein and Some Complex Carbohydrates for Breakfast

After you exercise, eat a good breakfast with protein such as can be found in a shake or eggs and also something like a bowl of oatmeal to get your complex carbs. Throw in some fresh fruit to refresh and energize you and that is one good breakfast! Have you ever been at work for a couple of hours and suddenly felt like you were going to kiss the floor involuntarily? Chances are you didn't eat a sufficient breakfast. 

8. Do a Full Hygiene Routine

For men, shave those whiskers! For women, use that apricot scrub! Brush your teeth, take a nice hot shower, make your hair look good. Slap on some deodorant and spray some smell-goods. Dress for success. My Uncle Dale always used to say: "You look good, you feel good." Take some pride in your appearance. 

9. Listen to Some Music

When you're about to leave in the mornings, listen to your favorite tunes to get you motivated and inspired for the day. You can even do this during other steps. The right kind of music will lift your mood if you're feeling low or enhance your mood if you're on your way to 'cloud nine'. 

10. Let Your Loved Ones Know How Much They Mean to You

Before you leave in the mornings, tell your spouse, kids, parents, siblings, dog, cat, etc that you love and care about them and make them feel important in your life. You never know which day will be your (or their) last and you will never make your loved ones wonder how you feel (or felt) about them. I meet a lot of people who never knew if their dads loved them because they never (or rarely) expressed any type of good emotions towards them. 

I hope this list of ten things you can do to start your day off right enhances your lives and gives you more success and happiness therein. Let me know if you try them and how they work for you!

Allocating Your Resources

You may already be aware of this, but your resources extend to more than just money. Resources also include time, energy, ideas, motivation, zeal and land, to name a few. These different resources have different values for people, according to their socioeconomic status or rather, their station in life. To the average teenager during summer break, time is lower in value relative to money. Why? Because their perception is usually that they have a lot of time, but not a lot of money. This is one reason why so many teenagers work at minimum wage jobs during the summer---because their time is not occupied by school, giving an abundance of time; but in order to pay for such things as gas, insurance, dates, movies, snacks, make-up, you name it, they must work a job to pay for the things they want/need. Thus, working a minimum wage job during summer break increases the value of their free time because they will have the money to do the things they want during that free time.

For an executive who makes over $1.2 million a year, time may have more value relative to monetary resources. Their lives are filled with board meetings, teleconferences and constant crisis situations that pop up and seem to keep them at work late every day. They may be willing to sacrifice money for the sake of spending more time with family or even more time doing things they enjoy.

Some people think they have boundless energy, but the cold fact of it is that energy is a resource which is also limited. You only have so much energy in a day. People who are in-shape and put healthy things into their bodies will generally have more energy than those who are obese and eat unhealthy foods. I have seen people spend the majority of their energy in the day too soon and don't have energy enough for more meaningful activities later on in the day. It would benefit people to spend their energy wisely.

How much is an idea worth? Idea worth is often measured in the amount of time or money you can save in implementing a particular idea. Some people make ridiculous amounts of money with their ideas. How much are your ideas worth? This is an important question to ponder from time to time.

Motivation is a valuable resources because it has to do with one's personal drive. Your level of motivation depends on my factors; one of them being the value of the carrot in front of you. I use the term 'carrot' for a reward that someone is motivated by to work towards. Motivation also depends on the power of a person's drive. What motivates you? How powerful is your drive? How can you become more motivated?

In this picture, I was motivated to do some pull-ups

Zeal has to do with something one believes in very strongly and cannot contain their excitement about. I remember times of zeal in my life and it is exhilarating. Zeal can be someone's strong belief and excitement about their cause or spiritual beliefs and can also have to do with organizational zeal, which I like to refer to as esprit de corps. Zeal makes motivation stronger, because zeal goes deeper than just motivation.

The Marine Corps is one organization whose members have a lot of esprit de corps. The leadership of this organization fosters this esprit de corps and translates it into motivation for Marines to train hard, work hard and fight heroically.

Land, like money, is a tangible resource. Back when my ancestors lived in Wisconsin, they referred to themselves as 'land poor'. They had a ton of land, but not the money to work it. They decided to sell their land and move out west nearly a hundred years ago where they eventually became more prosperous. In the city where lots are generally smaller, a person's yard has more value per square foot because their space is limited. In the backyard, they have to choose between getting the kids a trampoline or a swing-set while also making enough room for their fire pit and lawn chairs. Out in the country where someone owns, say, seven acres, their space is not at such a premium and they will have plenty of room to add virtually whatever they want. Are you maximizing the space you have to ensure you get the most enjoyment from the land you live on?

I have written on this topic to show my readers that resources are limited, and that you should allocate your resources where they can do the most good. It may benefit you to plan your day for better use of resources. Some people are averse to this because they think it takes the serendipity and spontaneous joys out of their day, when in fact it might allow them the time and resources to have more moments of spontaneous fun or enjoyment. How can you optimize the use of your limited resources? What are some ways you can conserve or increase your resources? I have found that staying healthy is a force multiplier of resources.